School discipline is tough on parents and educators

February, 2001
By: Dr. Connie Blanchard, Superintendent of Mancos Schools

For those of us old enough to remember, Art Linkletter used to have a segment of his television show entitled Kids Say the Darndest Things. It was enlightening as well as entertaining to hear not only the malapropisms of children but their perspectives of the world around them as well.

Teachers know the feeling. They hear things every day that reflect the vicissitudes of family life and they take the comments for what they are, observations made by young people from their own unique perspectives. In fact, some principals lightheartedly promise parents that they will only believe half of what Little Johnny says about home if parents only believe half of what he says about school. It's not that kids are deliberately manipulating the truth (although sometimes that may be the case), it is more that they are interpreting conversation and events based on their own limited knowledge and experience.

Another tough issue is student discipline. All parents want the strictest standards of discipline enforced in their child's school. Today's children are growing up in an era of unprecedented assaults on family and societal values, and we recognize that they need to learn the principles of respect, integrity and sacrifice that contribute so much to the making of good citizens. But it's a little different when it is our own child that has run afoul of the rules. Then we urge the principal to display compassion and flexibility.

Hard as it may be, there may be wisdom in parents following Tom Sawyer's Aunt Polly who, when found to be unjustly punishing young Tom, promptly dismissed her error by acknowledging all the times that Tom should have been in trouble but had somehow
escaped punishment. (However, it is also a sign of wisdom to acknowledge our errors as they occur!)

Every now and then, things happen with children in schools that parents are unhappy about. The following steps may help them get the answers they most need in resolving conflict.

-Exercise wisdom. There can be value in life's lessons for children. A child that is shielded from the natural consequences of actions cannot learn.

-Teach children the difference between hundred dollar problems and ten cent problems. Don't spend $100 worth of time to address a ten cent issue. Support teachers in the way you would want to be supported if you were in their shoes.

-Get the facts. Ask specific questions of your child. Analyze any agendas that may exist. Is there criticism at home? Youth who hear criticism of teachers at home will be encouraged to do less than their best for those teachers. Find out the other side of the story. Try not to color the facts with emotions. Ask, "How would an independent observer judge this case?"

-Determine a goal. After looking at all the facts, decide the one thing that would best help to avoid the conflict in the future. Be specific about what is wanted but be prepared to compromise.

-Make requests reasonable and don't examine punishments for other children. Focus on your child only.

-Talk to a school representative. Try to resolve the situation at the point closest to it. If it is a teacher, call for an appointment. Try not to take the teacher away from class time and don't confront teachers at ball games or in grocery stores. Wait until anger passes before making any contact. Calm discussion yields faster and better results than angry confrontation.

-Ask for review. If not satisfied with resolution by the teacher, ask the principal for review. If not satisfied with the principal's response, ask the superintendent for review. If not satisfied with the superintendent's response, ask the superintendent for a time to address the board of education.

-We all want the best for our children, our schools and our community. By working cooperatively and communicating honestly, we can achieve that goal.